Selfless Acts of Love
by BluLadyK
Summary: "Why couldn’t I have married anyone but a fighter? Although as soon as the thought filled my head, I knew, I would never love another man as much as Son Goku." A glance into the heart and soul of a broken wife. Please R&R!


Selfless Acts of Love   
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Dragon Ball Z or the song "Good Man" sung by India Arie.   
  
AN: When I heard this song, I just had to write this fic. I never write Chi Chi/Goku fics because ::shrugs:: I dunno, I'm not too fond of the two characters. But, I think this is a very sweet fic that everyone can appreciate. Just to warn you, I messed with the time line a bit. This takes place during/after the Cell battle, and Goten is already born. He's only about a year old. This is written in Chi Chi's point of view. The song is "sung" by Chi Chi, I dunno, I can't really explain it until you read, but she's saying or thinking the words of the song. You'll see what I mean. Please read and review!  
  
  
Selfless Acts of Love  
  
  
La la la la la la laaa  
La la la la la la ohh  
  
  
  
As I sit here, I can't help but worry about my Goku and my Gohan. I hear a coo from my arms and look down at my younger son. I know that young Goten will be training as soon as he can walk, which is why I dread that day, and rarely let the boy crawl. My poor Gohan, so young and already fighting for his life, and the lives of the entire planet. A weight I could never bear, I don't understand how my boys do.   
  
I sighed deeply, becoming lost in my son's eyes. He stares up at me, with a sense of pride, determination, and honor. Everything I see reflected in my husband's, and older son's eyes. I guess you could call it a Son trait. That and the hair. I thought with a smile, combing my fingers through my infant son's thick hair.   
  
My thoughts turn dark as I think about this evil creature that threatens earth's safety. Cell, that's what Goku said he called himself. It doesn't matter to me what his name is, as long as it is inscribed on a grave stone. Why is earth never at peace? Why must every evil alien, android, or monster plague our planet? Will we never be able to rest?  
  
I am suddenly overcome with a dreadful feeling. It feels as if a part of me has just died. I close my eyes, I know he's dead. I don't want it to be true, but I felt it. The moment his heart stopped beating on this earth, a piece of my heart stopped beating as well. I won't allow my tears to fall in front of my son. I look down at him and smile.   
  
  
  
I remember the first day, I met you.   
We were so young.   
You were a blessing; there was no guessing.   
You were the one.  
  
  
  
My thought's drift back to the day I was searching for the fan to put out the fire on my father's mountain. I met Goku that day, we were still children, but I knew the first time I set eyes on him that he was the one for me. He was so naïve, yet he had this way about him that seemed to attract everyone to him. This glow, that seemed to only brighten when times become tough, and the enemies were unbelievably strong.   
  
Of course, now that I know who he really is, I believe that part of it is his heritage. Certainly, I've never seen the glow that Goku has on Vegeta. Then again, they were raised in different situations, and I don't trust Vegeta enough to get close to examine him. Not that I would want to. Sometimes I wonder what Bulma is thinking. I still refuse to ignore who he once was, and I think I'm the only one. Except maybe Piccolo, that green mons…Namek that my son is so fond of these days.   
  
I, however, am not all that fond of him. The one thing I do like, is that he only drinks water. I don't know what I would do if he ate like a Saiyan. Three is plenty enough around here. I fear the day that Goten's appetite reaches that of his father and older brother. I guess he can hear my thoughts for his little stomach begins to rumble and he cries his hunger wail.   
  
"I know, baby." I whisper to him. "Mama's got you covered." I walk to the kitchen and open the fridge. There is his dinner, already prepared for him. Sometimes I wonder how I became so smart. I take out the bottles and start to feed the hungry Saiyan. He consumes his dinner in record time, and I burp him. His eyelids become heavy and they close gently. I smile and tenderly carry him to his room. I set him in his crib and pull the blanket up to his waist. I turn the baby monitor on and am about to leave when I look on the night stand that's holding the monitor.  
  
  
  
Love is so crazy; we had a baby and said our vows.   
That's when you told me should anything happen,   
I can hear you now you told me,   
  
  
  
I almost cry when I see the picture sitting there next to the monitor. It's a picture of Goku, holding little Gohan. My arms are around his waist and we're all smiling at the camera. I quietly leave the room and turn off the lights. I make it to our room somehow and fish around in one of the drawers for a second.   
  
I pull out what I was looking for and smile. It's the Son Family Photo Album. I sit in the rocking chair that is in our room. I turn the baby monitor on and set it next to the chair. I open the cover and flip through the pages. Everything from us as children to our wedding day, to pictures of little Goten. Oh, how times have changed, yet stayed the same.   
  
"I think you are our rock. You are the one that keeps this family strong, my Goku. I am crazy about you, with you, and without you. I can't stand to think of the day that I can no longer look at your face." I close my eyes and allow a tear to fall. "I know that day is soon. Perhaps tomorrow even. Yet, I know that you will always protect your family. You always have and always will. Not even death could stop you." I say with a sad smile.   
  
I continue to flip through the pages, the pages of memories. A few pictures make me laugh, recalling when or why they were taken. But most, most make me smile. Then I reach the time when I was pregnant with Goten, and pause. It was during the three years prior to the androids arrival that I was given the gift of another child. One night, when Gohan was still out training with Piccolo, he came in to our room.   
  
I was standing on the balcony, looking at the stars. Goku came up behind me and wrapped his arms securely around me. He ran his hands along my growing stomach and nuzzled his head in my neck. I smiled and reached my hand back to hold him to my neck. Goku suddenly turned me around and starred into my eyes. He told me that he loved me. Then, what he told me next, I'll never forget.  
  
  
  
If the sun comes up and I'm not home, be strong.  
If I'm not beside you do your best to carry on.   
Tell the kids about me, when they're old enough to, understand.   
Tell them that their daddy was a good man.  
  
Yeaaahh.  
La la la la laaa  
  
  
  
I cried when Goku said that. I told him that he would be home, that his unborn child would not grow up without a father. That he would be there to teach them, and love them. Goku smiled his knowing smile. "Like you knew that you wouldn't survive but I would. I hated that smile and I still do." I paused in my memories as I felt tears run down my cheeks.   
  
"You were right again, you big lug. You didn't make it, but I'm still here." I collapse to my knees and cried harder. Why was it always this way? Why was I always the one on the floor in tears, and he was the one looking over me? "Are you watching me now?" I ask looking to the sky. "There is so much to tell you, and not enough time. There was never enough time for the two of us.  
  
"We were barely married a few years when you died for the first time. That killed me, hearing Kurinin recount your death and my son's abduction. It killed me, I hope you know. Then, I got you back only to almost lose you again. When I finally thought that you were home for good, you take off for Namek and almost inevitable death. What is it with you and death? It seems to follow you, or you follow it. I'm not sure.   
  
"Don't you know how much it hurts me to be without you? I think I've lived without you more than with, and that destroys me. It hurts worse than any ki blast you could fire at me, or any punch you could throw. It hurts Gohan too. I don't think you know it, but I can tell. I can see it in his eyes. There was a fire in him when you were around, it died with you. It has died so many times, I doubt it could die anymore without disappearing forever.   
  
"I'm afraid Goku. Afraid you've just hurt him one too many times." I call to the sky. I know he's listening. Somehow, I just know. I stand up slowly. I wipe away any trace of tears that are left on my face. I remember the time he told me that tears didn't suit me. I sniffed as I felt another assault of tears threatening to flow.   
  
  
  
First anniversary, remember we, chose a star.   
As I stand under it, I can't help a wondering if you see it where you are.   
Whatever reason we don't see the seasons change again.   
Go there with peace of mind, we'll meet on the other side.  
  
  
  
I walked out onto the balcony, as I did that night so long ago. I looked up into the night sky. How time had flown. It seemed just moments ago I fed Goten his dinner. Now it was nearing 10:00 p.m. I gazed at the stars that were shining brightly in the sky. "They always reminded me of you. I still remember the day we chose our star." I searched the sky for our star. It took me a minute but I found it.   
  
I stared at it for many minutes, just thinking of him. He plagued my mind. I think we've only been under this star together a few times. Not nearly as often as I would have liked. "I would give anything to have you here with me, watching our star." I whispered, wrapping my arms around myself. The night had grown cold, and it was getting late. I wonder where everyone is.  
  
Surely, they all weren't killed. "You wouldn't allow that would you my love? You would protect them at all costs. You never thought of yourself, not once." I fell to the ground in a heap. I wrapped my arms tightly around my knees. Why couldn't he for once think of himself? Why must he always be the hero? I knew he didn't have a hero syndrome or whatever that Mr. Satan had. No, it was just his nature.   
  
Why couldn't I have married anyone but a fighter? Although as soon as the thought filled my head, I knew, I would never love another man as much as Son Goku. I realize this now, not that I didn't know before. It makes everything seem less, I don't know, just easier to bear. I turn my gaze to the stars once again. I wonder if he can see them, or touch them where he is. Where ever he is, I hope that he is safe.  
  
  
  
Cause true love don't end. Oh baby,  
If the sun comes up and you're not home, I'll be strong.   
If you not beside me I'm doing my best to carry on,  
I'll tell the kids about you when they're old enough to understand.   
I'll tell them that their daddy was a good man.   
  
La la la la la la ohhhhh  
La la la la la la ohhh ohhhh  
  
  
  
Our star seems to glow brighter than I have ever seen it. It starts to blink, twinkle brightly in the night sky. A smile lights up my face. It's almost as if he can hear me, and is letting me know he's there. I look up at it, and a look of determination crosses my face. "I will be strong Goku. I will be strong for you and our sons."   
  
I am content in starring at our star for hours. A yawn escapes my mouth and I know that I must get some sleep. I wonder where my Gohan is. I hope he is safe where ever he may be. Why haven't I heard from any of them? They can't still be fighting can they? And I refuse to believe them dead. No, I'm sure earth would know if they were dead.   
  
My eyes droop, and I know that I must get some rest. I slowly pull myself up from the position I was in, and make it to my feet. I take one last look at the sky, and our star before heading inside and closing the doors to the balcony. It's small, unlike any one of Bulma's, but it suits us just fine. I think with a smile.   
  
Goku was never big on the grand and flashy things in life, not that I was either. We lived in a small home on the mountains in the Black Forrest. We had everything we needed here. No, I thought with a sob, no we didn't have everything. We didn't have Goku, and after this battle, I feared we never would again. I couldn't think like that, I told myself. I didn't know for sure that he was dead. It was just a feeling, but I could be wrong.   
  
  
  
Two eyes looking up at me.   
Pointing to the picture like where is he.   
Mama are you okay? What did the paper say   
to make you cry that way?   
  
  
  
A cry woke me from my current state of unrest. I had made it to the bed, but had not changed yet. I was just sitting there, thinking, of my Goku when I heard little Goten's cry. I sighed and slowly stood up, aching and tired. Just wanting sleep, but knowing that it would not come for a long time. I made my way to our door and quietly walked down the short hallway to my son's room.   
  
He almost immediately stopped crying when I entered the room. I moved over to him and scooped him into my loving arms. "Oh, baby don't cry, Mamma's here." I cuddled him and sat in the chair next to his crib, his head resting against my shoulder. I heard him make a noise, as if he were trying to speak. I pulled his head back, looking into his eyes. He was starring intently at something and seemed to be trying to form words on his tiny lips.  
  
My eyes followed his gaze and landed on the picture that sat on his night stand. He was pointing and trying to get his tongue to cooperate with him. A few coos and gurgles were all he could manage. So he was content to grunt and groan, until I picked the picture up and sat him on my knee. "What? Who do you see?" I asked him holding the picture in front of him.  
  
"Da. Da. Da! He squealed. He poked his chubby little finger at Goku. He said his first words. Da Da. And his Da Da would not even know it. His daddy was gone from him forever. No! I screamed in my mind. I would not allow myself to think like that. I had two children to consider, two children who loved him dearly. I could never give up hope as long as there were dragon balls and Kami; I would never give up. Well, Dende my mind corrected.   
  
A knock on the door startled me from my thoughts. That seems to be happening a lot tonight. I thought to myself with a growl. I rose from the chair and carrying Goten with me, I walked slowly to the door. I hesitantly opened it to see my son and Piccolo standing there. "Gohan!" I squealed, thrusting Goten in Piccolo's arms and wrapping mine around Gohan. "You know you don't have to knock! Now, were is your father hiding?" I said with a smile.   
  
  
  
It say your daddy lived for you and your daddy died for you and I'll do the same.   
Now baby, if the sun comes up and I'm not home, be strong.   
If I'm not beside you do your best to carry on.   
Tell your kids about me when they're old enough to understand.   
Tell them that your daddy was a good man…good man.  
  
  
  
Gohan looked up at me with sad eyes. I knelt down to his level and stared back into his eyes. "Gohan, were is your father?" I asked again. This time more seriously. He looked up at Piccolo for a second who was holding Goten rather awkwardly.   
  
"Mom, maybe we should sit down first." I stood up grabbing my heart. I knew it. I knew it and didn't want to admit it to myself. Now my barely 12 year old son was about to tell me what I had feared all day. My husband was truly dead and gone. I nodded and took Goten from Piccolo, who breathed a sigh of relief once the kid was out of his hands. I moved over to the couch and just assumed that they would follow, not feeling the need to be hospitable.  
  
"How?" was all I asked. He looked at me shocked. "Yes, I knew he was dead. I felt it the moment he left this world. Just tell me how." I asked sadly. He looked down refusing to meet my eyes.  
  
"It was my fault mom. Oh Kami it was my fault. What I wouldn't give to take it all back. If only I had finished Cell when I had the chance dad would still be alive!" Gohan rambled.   
  
"Shh, just tell me. Chance for what? What are you talking about?" I listened intently as my son, and occasionally Piccolo filled me in on the final battle between Cell and the Z senshi. Apparently my son had ascended to some new level and became arrogant. He toyed with Cell, allowing him the chance and time to power up a self destructing blast that would destroy the earth. Goku, stepped in and transported Cell and himself to another place, Cell killing him but somehow returning to earth.   
  
He then explained how he finally beat Cell. Together, with his father's help. I smiled at him proudly. One thing plagued my mind though. "Why not just wish him back? I mean we have different dragon balls now, and he hasn't yet been revived with them. They could work on him." I said, the hope shining through my eyes. I looked at Gohan and Piccolo who looked back at me dejectedly.  
  
"We tried mom, we wished everyone who Cell and the androids killed back, but it didn't work on father."  
  
"What!? Well, I'll just have to have a talk with this Dende and dragon, see if they don't change their tune…" I started, infuriated to no end. Gohan held up his hand.  
  
"Mom, no. That's not what I meant, it came out wrong. Dad refused to come back." At my shocked look he continued. "He felt that earth would be safer with him off it, since everyone always came looking for him. He choose to stay dead mom, for us." He smiled, though I could tell it wasn't a true smile, it wasn't the one I had hoped I could see again. I looked into his eyes, sure enough his light, his fire had been extinguished.   
  
I snapped. "Well damn your father!"  
  
"Mom!" He looked at me shocked, as did Piccolo. I just glared at them, the pain from his loss too much to bear, so I quickly transformed it to anger and hate. "You heard me! Damn him to hell. How dare he assume to know what is best for the earth. What happens if something comes looking and he's not here? Did he ever think of that? We would be doomed anyway. If either of you ever talk to that…that Saiyan again, you tell him he is no longer welcome in this house." I screamed out in anger.   
  
"Mom…" Gohan said gently, even Piccolo looked at me with pity. I couldn't take it anymore. I collapsed to the ground in a heap, hugging Goten close to me. My sobs wracking my small frame. Poor Goten, he didn't even understand what was going on. He just knew that his Mamma was upset, which caused him to be upset.   
  
"How could he leave me again, Gohan? Doesn't he know how much I need him?" I sobbed into my infant son's hair. I rocked him gently more for myself than him. Gohan knelt down and I opened my arms for him. He was soon clutched tightly in my right arm and Goten in my left. My two boys, somehow we would survive this. We would survive it together. Piccolo had left a few minutes ago, knowing that we needed this time alone. Though I knew that he would always be watching over our family, in Goku's stead.   
  
"We will make it through this." I whispered to my two sons. "Together we can survive whatever fate throws at us." I continued hugging my sons throughout the night, occasionally whispering words of comfort to them. I was too exhausted to move. They fell asleep like that, in my arms. I was tired, hurting, and most of all I felt weak. Tonight was my last night to be weak.   
  
I would pick up training again, and I would train my little Goten. Just like his father would have wanted. No one would know. It would be a secret between Goten and I. We would form a warriors bond, just as his older brother had formed with his father and Piccolo. I would not deprive my younger son of the battle field, knowing I couldn't stop him anyway with his Saiyan blood. Yes, we would get through this all somehow. Everything seemed to blur together as I fell into a deep sleep, dreaming of my precious Goku.  
  
  
  
La la la la la laaaaaa  
  
  
  
The End!!!!!! Chi Chi never gets the credit she deserves sometimes. Although, she isn't my favorite character, she puts up with a lot having Goku for a mate/husband. I thought it time to give credit where credit it due. Please read and review and let me know what you think!!!! 


End file.
